Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
