You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
