____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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