I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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