I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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