Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
