Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Small penises have feelings too.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
