do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
soo... how was my night?
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