This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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