I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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