You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
