I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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