I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
