you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
