we have pet lesbian snakes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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