She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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