Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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