im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
