I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
