She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
