she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
