You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
