You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
