last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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