I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
