It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
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He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I understand Curling. That high.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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