i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
