"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
