The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
