My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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