My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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