btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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