quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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