this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
