I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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