he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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