So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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