she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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