Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
