Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
