Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
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I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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