oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
