Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
