Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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