Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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