Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
