I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So vagazzling was a success
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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