I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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