it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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