It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
