i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
