i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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