i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
