Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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