They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
