it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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