im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
