So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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