Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize