I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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