Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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