You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
