take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
