I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
