sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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