I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
